A work overload creates an atmosphere of controlled panic where speed and efficiency flow from my fingertips onto the keyboard and bounce off my tongue into the phone. My mind ceaselessly pushes, "work faster, get more done, this absolutely MUST get this done by 11, then this must get done...". Every breath reminds me of the pressure in the center of my chest, dull pain emanates outward and back toward the spine, up to the shoulders and down to the stomach. Even my elbows hurt. I frantically check my bank account, retirement account, calculating best case scenarios. I consider bargaining for more vacation time.
My character is drained of humor and common courtesies during the day. In the evening it leaves a shell of a being unable to enjoy gardening, reading, eating, walking the dogs or even television shows. I breathe in, and out, deep, and slow,
remembering
to let
my stomach rise, and fall
with my lungs.
On more manageable days I feel I am on the cusp of discovering something about myself, something crucial, important, altering. If I just had a little bit more time to think things through. Then I am robbed of the time, I must perform, and I don't like it. My house of cards blown over, just as I was setting the top-most one.
Was I ever onto anything? Am I a fool? Why not embrace the work-load? A million chances at self-discovery, none of them pursued to success. To change the story of my life.
My character is drained of humor and common courtesies during the day. In the evening it leaves a shell of a being unable to enjoy gardening, reading, eating, walking the dogs or even television shows. I breathe in, and out, deep, and slow,
remembering
to let
my stomach rise, and fall
with my lungs.
On more manageable days I feel I am on the cusp of discovering something about myself, something crucial, important, altering. If I just had a little bit more time to think things through. Then I am robbed of the time, I must perform, and I don't like it. My house of cards blown over, just as I was setting the top-most one.
Was I ever onto anything? Am I a fool? Why not embrace the work-load? A million chances at self-discovery, none of them pursued to success. To change the story of my life.
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