The world is presently spinning because I went into work today. Your welcome everybody.
It sucked.
On the drive home I wanted to beg and plead to God to help me "endure the things I cannot change", namely work. But I do not believe there is a God, and Buddhas don't come across as sympathetic to lazy, modern women who just want more time to watch TV without the interference of productivity demands.
So I am left with the wanting, the wanting to beg and plead, and no one, not even an imaginary invisible remote being, that could possibly want to listen and propel circumstances in my favor. The wanting gets pent up and turns into whining. Whining the husband has implemented a zero tolerance policy on. I am not impressed with the whining either, but it pours out of me as easily as pee after a pot of coffee. It's all got to go somewhere.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
A Monday Evening
I don't know what to do so I take a nap.
Do I read? Do I write? Do I clean? Trim the dog's nails? Buy stuff on-line?
I don't know what to do so I paint my nails.
Purple, dark and longing for a future to match.
Do I read? Do I write? Do I clean? Trim the dog's nails? Buy stuff on-line?
I don't know what to do so I paint my nails.
Purple, dark and longing for a future to match.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Wednesday
It is Wednesday and I have been thinking about moving for a job. It is counter-intuitive for me. No job could be worth selling a house, moving, getting used to new surroundings, new people, finding a new place to keep all the crap and animals and husband. For a job...I might hate?
Monday, April 11, 2011
Newton
Newton died today.
I'm amazed at how animals handle dying. It is a subject of intense interest to me, that I never tire of, and is endlessly varied.
At the time of death he appeared to be quite ready, relieved, and absent of fear.
He knew it was coming for weeks, yet it did not unnerve him. How can that be? What makes the heart pound and the blood pulse so steadily? No fear, no regrets, no wondering "why me?".
He took care of himself. He was always cleaned, would fight another cat if needed in a heartbeat. He would fight for that patch of sunshine, or the good chair, or the spot in my lap. He was no subservient do-gooder.
Yet, at a moment someone new walked in the house he was there to greet, and purr and stick around to make the guest feel they must be special for a cat to pay such attention. He could look lovingly towards you within a second of being called with a hiss directed toward the oncoming dog simultaneously. How did he do that? So effortlessly? The looking after himself whilst giving to others.
That's what I want to know, the secret. And he died, and took the gift with him.
I'm amazed at how animals handle dying. It is a subject of intense interest to me, that I never tire of, and is endlessly varied.
At the time of death he appeared to be quite ready, relieved, and absent of fear.
He knew it was coming for weeks, yet it did not unnerve him. How can that be? What makes the heart pound and the blood pulse so steadily? No fear, no regrets, no wondering "why me?".
He took care of himself. He was always cleaned, would fight another cat if needed in a heartbeat. He would fight for that patch of sunshine, or the good chair, or the spot in my lap. He was no subservient do-gooder.
Yet, at a moment someone new walked in the house he was there to greet, and purr and stick around to make the guest feel they must be special for a cat to pay such attention. He could look lovingly towards you within a second of being called with a hiss directed toward the oncoming dog simultaneously. How did he do that? So effortlessly? The looking after himself whilst giving to others.
That's what I want to know, the secret. And he died, and took the gift with him.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Sunday
The husband has left the house and I cannot find the TV remote anywhere. This happens to me all the time, I cannot fathom where he puts it. But I know he will come home, and within 30 seconds will be clicking around the stations. So now I am stuck cleaning house with an infomercial going, sigh.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Pre-Sunday
Facebook Anxiety
At 25 friends, I fear I have befriended too many. How can I politely unfriend?
Newton
He is not long for this world.
At 25 friends, I fear I have befriended too many. How can I politely unfriend?
Newton
He is not long for this world.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Monday Morning
I hired a maid service to "help" me, and now today they are already half hour late. Why why why. This is not helping me. I need help dammit, not more people who require my patience and sympathy!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Sunday
Hello Blog,
No little gems are coming to mind, but feel compelled to post. As you are one of only a few friends, and I cannot afford to lose the ones I got. You are so good at putting up with my whining.
Lately I have been considering, who would stick with me if the shit really hit the fan? It is a short list. And I figure time invested in those few is worth the investment. Everyone else is mere decoration. Of course, on the flip side, I am certain I am mere decoration to others, actually most, of the people and family I interact with.
The maid service starts Monday. I hope they do a good job, I don't need another money drain. But I do feel much better with a clean house. Been going to that car cleaning place too, damn they are a hell of a lot faster than I could ever do.
I've been considering getting a third job, but don't know what yet. Maybe volunteering, but I prefer a paid gig.
Later Blog,
Jennifer
No little gems are coming to mind, but feel compelled to post. As you are one of only a few friends, and I cannot afford to lose the ones I got. You are so good at putting up with my whining.
Lately I have been considering, who would stick with me if the shit really hit the fan? It is a short list. And I figure time invested in those few is worth the investment. Everyone else is mere decoration. Of course, on the flip side, I am certain I am mere decoration to others, actually most, of the people and family I interact with.
The maid service starts Monday. I hope they do a good job, I don't need another money drain. But I do feel much better with a clean house. Been going to that car cleaning place too, damn they are a hell of a lot faster than I could ever do.
I've been considering getting a third job, but don't know what yet. Maybe volunteering, but I prefer a paid gig.
Later Blog,
Jennifer
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)