Shit at and Hit

Whew! I finally got over my obsession with other people's blogs. I haven't scrolled through in a few days now. I suppose my mental breakdown Wednesday that led me to have to call in sick on Thursday was enough to shake me out of it. Made it to work today but it was rough; felt hungover all day and I gotta say, I looked like hell. "Shot at and missed; shit at and hit" is one of my favorite sayings to describe the feeling.

Tonight it sunk in to my brain, all the way in, and it clicked. I have emotional problems. I told the husband immediately as my revelation hit me and he just laughed. I always knew I had problems dealing with stress and maybe some wildly imaginative paranoia's and some serious depressive suicidal thoughts, but I thought, Hey, everybody gets like this from time to time.

After having my co-workers stare me down today and ask me more than a couple times if I'm okay, well, it really became clear that there are some problems lurking in this brain of mine that might not be in other people's minds to the same degree.

Still obsessing with Other People's Blogs

I have continued my research on other people's blogs. My sister says I am just turning my brain into mush. To which I respond, "I am an adult and can do with my brain as I please.". But with all that being said, my inward wish is that my insatiable need to read as many stranger's blogs as I can fit into my available free-time will end soon. It stirs in me jealousy, guilt and other emotions I don't think are good for me. Jealousy and guilt are so addicting though! Maybe if I keep reading I can find someone I think I'm better than! And all that jealousy and guilt can turn into high-mindedness and secure thoughts of how generally good-natured and well-loved I am compared to these rascally souls!

Oh,looey! I will say I did find a few blogs where comparatively I might consider myself more "together" but after a split second of relief for myself and my eternal quest to prove to myself how much better I am than everybody else; I really just felt pained for these people and wished that I could somehow concentrate them into having an easier time with this life. Really, the Momma that woke up late to take her young daughter to her first day of school, the young man who is having a horrible time adjusting to work life, and the young couple whose first born died at the age of 1 1/2 years and had created a blog memorial....Sweet Buddha, it makes me just want to hug them.

So maybe I am done and will go back to focusing on this one single life right here in this slightly over-weight, very out of shape, dry skin with lots of moles and frizzy haired body of mine. The one my mother gave me forty years ago and I have tried to care for since.

Blather

Just came back in from shovelling....again. At least the dog is a little worn out now. Cabin fever has set in in a big way. I'm all ancy but can't focus to actually do anything.

I feel most relieved that there are other types of bloggers out there besides Mormon Mothers. There are soccer lovers and many Danish women bloggers as well. Blogger must group them into categories, and when I was clicking Next Blog>> before I was trapped in a Mormon Mothers eddy.

Other People's Blogs

I just spent some time clicking through blogs; using that Next Blog >> symbol at the top of blogspot blog pages. It makes certain emotions and thoughts come to the forefront.

1. There are alot of white Christian, beautiful, together women out there with excellent writing skills and even better photography skills that are documenting their lives with their equally gorgeous children and husbands via blogger.
2. I am shocked at #1 above as I thought more non-traditional folks would blog.
3. What are all the men doing?
4. What are all the black/latino/asian people doing?
5. Do divorced people blog?
6. If all these Christian people's blogs are so nice and filled with hearts and love and all, why does Christianity seem so heartless in the media? Is this a reflection of the media or me and the way I interpret what I see?
7. Why am I sitting on the couch blogging and watching Judge Judy when I could be using my snowday for more mentally stimulating pursuits?.....hmmm, I know the answer to this one! Because I want to!

It is Snowmageddon!

We shoveled up until 10:30pm last night. Got up at 5am this morning and could not get out the front door. Husband went out through the garage door and started snow blowing to get out of the garage. To take the dog out, I went out the back sliding glass door since snow was not piled up there. I headed around the corner thinking I would help shovel the front steps. But turning the corner around the house meant wind and snow was driving into my face. The dog and I went back into the house via the sliding glass door, the drift is staying at the front door.