3 New Years Ideas and an expansion on the third

1. I have a compost pile, with leaves, and kitchen scraps. Recently I turned it and steam came up. Yay!!!!!!

2. We have been discussing where to go on vacation this year. Indecision grips me. My wish is to be able to come to a decision and follow through on the plans.

3. My lack of social skills problem could be due to ADD. I don't know. This probably requires months more of research and scheduling a visit with the psychiatrist to conclude. I want to do that this year. At least explore it and see what comes of it.

Blather about number 3. above.
The more I look into ADD web-sites and read, the more I like it. It fits me. I'm reading the "Girl-ADD" book now. That is what the husband and I dubbed it. This came about because the husband said maybe he has ADD, and I said yes that could be a possibility, and suggested he read the book when I'm done. He said, but that is for women, and I'm a man. I said maybe he has girl-ADD and he is a unique medical case. We now discuss ADD using this term, in all seriousness.

So one thing I like about reading the ADD book is difficult for me to put into words. But I shall try. It is letting me accept who I am as I am, with the bad things, the frustrating things and all. Having a messy house, a messy desk, inability to maintain relationships over long-ish periods of time, my extreme phone phobias, the way I always start a job and everybody thinks I'm the greatest thing and then I slowly decline as I get bored with it into a big disappointment. That's all me. Me, me, me.

That I wear tags on new clothes until someone notices and tells me (I did this the other day and the co-worker appeared truly distraught that I had done this. I was at the printer and I said, "Oh thanks, I'll cut it off when I get back to me desk." Just as calm as can be. I've done this a bunch. Sometimes I have worn clothes all day with the store tags on them, thinking I would fix it when I got home, and still didn't cut the tags off. And wore them a few more times.)

I am the worst offender for leaving old lunches in the refrigerator at work. They pile up fast. I try to make sure I have left nothing in the work refrigerator when I leave on Friday's. But.... I recently told the refrigerator monitor that I am a problem lunch-leaver. So he knows. And now I don't have to feel ashamed about it. I used to really feel bad, because I would overhear the receptionist and the refrigerator monitor talking about "Who would leave this stuff in the refrigerator?!" and then I would be embarrassed to tell them it was chronically me, because I was one of the good guys. But I am now over that, mostly. I did put an empty coffee pot back on a hot burner and burned the bottom of the pot and overheard the receptionist bitching about what kind of irresponsible moron would do that....I didn't fess up to that one. I figured it would blow over. It's me, me me, it's all me. But people think of me as a nice, together person and I don't want to disappoint them.

So anyway, I'm trying to accept all that about me, and that makes me feel better and then not need Zoloft. Cause if I can't accept that stuff and let it get to me, I'll need it again. And I want to move forward, not backward.

It's all me, all the parts. I'm irresponsible, and late, and bad at dead-lines, and procrastinate, and have trouble starting projects, especially if I think they are dumb, unnecessary or boring. But much of the corporate world is dumb, unnecessary and boring. That's just how it goes.

I'm blathering, I'll go now. But it felt like a healthy blather!